Everyone who knows me well knows that I am a Type A personality. I thrive off of structure and order. I love organization. I am constantly organizing and re-organizing my house to make the most efficient use of my space. I like everything to be in its place. I frequently say, "Cluttered house equals cluttered mind." When my house is tidy I feel most at ease. And when it is not, I get cranky.
I am also a bit of a control freak. I like things to be done my way and I fall into the trap of believing that my way is the best way. I don't usually welcome change.... if something works, why change it?
Marriage and motherhood have thrown a wrench into all of the above. Learning to live with someone who does not share your "cluttered house equals cluttered mind" mentality is challenging. Having two children not does help with keeping the house neat. I have often found myself snapping at my husband when there are so many toys on the floor that I can't hear myself think!
I am harder on myself than anyone else ever could be. I set expectations so high that I often feel overwhelmed by my self-imposed standards. While in the hospital with little bit I made a vow to myself and my family that I will try really hard to just take a "chill pill."
I value the people that live in this house a million times more than I value its tidiness. In those hectic moments I don't always act that way. I don't want my family's memories to be of mom having a hissy fit about the house. I would rather them remember me down in the floor, amidst all the crumbs, playing cars with them and chasing them around the house with the play vacuum cleaner.
I am a work in progress.... this change hasn't happened overnight, but the Lord is surely working on me! I am learning to step back and gain perspective before acting in a way that belittles or disrespects my husband.
Lord, thank you that You who has begun a good work in me is faithful to see it to completion!